Jessica needs a new prescription

I'm just as sad as everyone else to see the sudden decline of Jessica Simpson. She went from being one of America's sweethearts to throwing tantrums and sleeping in a straightjacket. If she doesn't get remarried soon and start Newlyweds 2: I Know Tuna Now I'm afraid she'll be off the wagon for good.



Jessica didn't look much better last night at the opening of Ken Pave's new hair salon in Beverly Hills. I'm worried that this may have become a Weekend at Bernie's situation. Jessica is just a heavily medicated zombie that Joe Simpson and Ken Paves are pushing around as long as possible so she can make them some more money before she collapses completely.



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Sexiest Woman Alive

Esquire Magazine has just named Scarlett Johansson the "Sexiest Woman Alive."

The 21-year-old actress poses in come-hither garb on the cover and inside pages of the magazine's November issue, on newsstands Oct. 18.

Johansson, whose screen credits include "The Black Dahlia," "Lost in Translation" and "Match Point," says she would rather be admired for attributes other than sex appeal. "What about my brain? What about my heart? What about my kidneys and my gallbladder?" she asks, addressing all the hoopla about her curves in an interview in the magazine.

She is no stranger to the paparazzi's cameras, and once flashed a sign proclaiming, "the person taking this picture is harrassing me."

"Apparently I spelled `harass' wrong," she recalls. "It was horrible. I couldn't remember whether it was one `r' or two, and I asked like four people, and they said two."

I'm also confused about why people don't want to stare at her gallbladder. Gallbladders are the sexiest part of most women's bodies.

Is Scarlett the sexiest woman alive?
	Yes, Scarlett is.
	No. Britney Spears all the way.
	Jessica Alba, baby!
	Clay Aiken should have won.
	I'm sexier than all of them put together!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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Eva and Tony are finished

People is calling this a "difficult time" for the couple, but several sources are saying they've broken up because of Eva's cheating ways. She's been linked to Jamie Foxx, Hayden Christensen and others.

"Eva and Tony are going through a very difficult time right now, just like any other couple with extremely demanding careers," says Longoria's rep, Liza Anderson.

However, a source close to Parker tells People that Parker says rumors of a breakup are not true.

In April, Longoria said she is happiest when in a relationship. "There's no way in the world I would rather be single," she said. "Tony is too. I've said the only reason Tony and I are going to stay together forever is because we're too lazy to look for someone else."

When you're Eva Longoria, you can lift one finger and 50 men will come running. No need to give up on the laziness. And according to rumors, she's been lifting that finger. And rumors are always true.



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Little people, Big world

I've been sitting here, staring at this picture in total confusion, and honestly cannot even come up with something funny or witty to say. This picture truly leaves me speechless. It's bizarro world personified. Um, yea.

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Everyone wants to kiss Alba

Sultry actress Alba has been voted the celeb men would most like to pucker up with, reports the Sun. Her gorgeous body and perfect features had already made her a sensation among male fans, but now another one of her many assets - her perfect pout helped Jessica beat off competition from Angelina Jolie’s luscious lips to top a new poll by Colgate.

I'm not surprised. Angelina is extremely sexy, but once a girl has kissed her brother and Billy Bob Thornton, her lips start to lose a little appeal. Jessica Alba is scorching hot and hasn't been seen kissing anyone questionable... yet. Congrats to Jess!

Jessica at the airport:



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Pink in concert

Pink has kicked off her world tour, with the first concert in Zurich, Switzerland. She's spreading the love and mainstream pop-punk music to the masses. It looks like she changed her outfit about 45,032 times during the performance.

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Madonna has a lot of cash

The 2007 edition of the Guinness Book of Records names Madonna as the highest paid female singer on the planet.

Madonna, who earned $50 million in 2004, takes the title away from Britney Spears, who had held the record since 2001 after earning slightly more than $38 million in 2000.

Janet Jackson also replaced Spears in Web rankings for the world's most searched-for female and most searched-for news item.

Among men, Brad Pitt was the most searched-for.

Elsewhere in the book: Nicole Kidman set the record for the highest salary per minute for an actor (a reported $3.71 million for a four-minute commercial for Chanel No. 5) and Oprah Winfrey is named the highest-paid person on TV ($225 million, according to the last Forbes power ranking).

American Idol star Simon Cowell is the highest paid TV talent-show judge (about $34 million), while Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has the highest annual earnings for a children's author, with an estimated $64 million.

Why is Janet Jackson the most searched for female? What has she done lately other than lose 500 pounds in 1 month and show us the 40-year-old boobs we've already seen in a few magazines? Random.

I love it that the Harry Potter author kicked all of their asses. Take that, Madonna and Simon! You just got beat by a children's book!

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Put your shoes on, Hilary!

Hilary Duff pulled a Britney yesterday by leaving the gym without shoes on. Poor thing, you can see her holding in her horse teeth.



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Maggie and Manly

A very pregnant Maggie Gyllenhaal and her godmother, Man Lee Curtis:


Seriously, look at that firm jaw and that hold on Maggie's wrist. If I didn't know better, I would think I was witnessing an abduction of a pregnant woman by an ex-special forces hitman who is posing as a woman (with a very unconvincing disguise).


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Makewhore of the day: Paris Hilton

I know we haven't seen Paris in the news in over 6 whole hours, and you're probably going into Paris withdrawal right now. So what better way to scratch that Paris itch (pun intended) than to feature her as Makeover of the Day?

This is pretty straightforward. She goes from whore to whore to whore. I guess you have to credit the girl for being consistent.

Posh shows off her investment

STOP!

Don't scroll down if you've ever had a traumatizing experience involving cantaloupe, honeydew, or grapefruit, or have ever been attacked by a robot. I also cannot take responsibility for any eye pain or uncontrollable sobbing that may result from these photos:



These actually came out yesterday, and even though I love to keep you guys up on the gossip, I just had to wait until the horror and shock wore off before I could post them.



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The Bachelor: Who wants to marry a Prince in Italy?

The latest Bachelor has been announced: Prince Lorenzo Borghese. The new season will take place in Rome, Italy (starts Oct. 2nd). Seems like they're trying to add a little class to a show that has gotten trashier and trashier with every season.

Want a chance at this Italian Prince? Put down the remote, girls: "I want someone who doesn’t sit at home watching TV," the newest reality hunk, Lorenzo Borghese, tells People.

So what is the 34-year-old Manhattan-based cosmetics executive (and founder of the Royal Treatment Pet Spa) looking for?

"An active girl – and someone who will be with me for the right reasons and not because I'm an Italian prince," says Borghese whose New York City-based parents are Prince Francesco and Princess Amanda Borghese. (The family's title was bestowed by a 17th-century pope.)

Still, dating royalty has its privileges. Borghese, who was born in Milan but raised in New Jersey, describes his ideal outing as asking his girlfriend to pack a light bag, then piloting a private plane to an exotic locale for dinner.

"I like the look of surprise on my date’s face," he says.

Does anyone else see the irony of trying to find a girl who will be with you for "the right reasons" on The Bachelor?

A couple of photos that'll probably get you more excited to see the show than the feather-haired douche will:



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Lindsay Lohan is a complete mess

Spotted leaving Shag Nightclub:

Lindsay was gorgeous just a few days ago while out with Harry. Now, she's morphed into a cross-dressing trucker from the 80s. What's going on, Lindz?

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