Thursday, August 31, 2006

Nose Job Alert!

Ok, so, I'm basically posting these for the pure satisfaction of making myself feel better and knowing that such star beauty isn't always natural. And to point out that the world's most beautiful woman so obviously got a nose job. MUAHAHAHAAAAAA! *sigh*

She was still so pretty. Damn her. But why the hell is she in her bra? She looks 13 in these pics...CrEePy.

Bride Beyonce?

If you believe the rumors, Beyonce and Jay-Z are planning to tie the knot in November.

Beyonce Knowles is pulling out all the stops for her wedding. The Dreamgirls star is set to wed rap impresario Jay Z, and the lavish event will come with a $3 million price tag, according to Star magazine.

The former Destiny’s Child member is planning a late November wedding on the Caribbean island of Anguilla. Guests will dine on $300,000 worth of caviar as well as lobster and truffles and will wash it down with $200 bottles of Dom Perignon.

I don't know about you guys, but I think Beyonce is way out of Jay-Z's league. She's young and gorgeous, and he's old and fugly. What the hell is he doing here? Holding her dress on?
The only advice I have for Beyonce is to figure out how to keep her nips in her dress before she becomes a blushing bride. She let half-a-nip slip just the other day:


Midday romance

Don't you love it when you can have lunch with your girl/man? It's so great to have that little break during the day, have a fun lunch with someone you actually like and can suck a little face before going back to work, and by work I mean reading starfruit gossip religiously. :-P

This, somehow, isn't quite the romantic lunch I had in mind. This looks more like when you go for a quick lunch at a busy lunch spot, and there's a bunch of tables that are all packed, and you sit down at the two seater totally thinking you're safe. Then you'll always get that one person who is dying to sit down and asks you if that extra seat is taken at your table, even though it's a two seater, and you of course have to say no and they sit down and it's incredibly uncomfortable sharing a small table with a stranger who also convenientely happens to be a loud eater. That's totally Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. I wonder who's the loud eater?


Scarlett goes Old School

Scarlett Johansson showed up at the Venice Festival in grandmother chic:

She doesn't need to carry a purse when she's got all that room in her sleeves, you know? And who says grown women can't put big sparkly butterfly clips in their hair? Scarlett hasn't yet learned that there's a simple rule for her: She is never, ever allowed to show up on the red carpet without some cleavage showing. Does she actually think that people want to watch her because she's talented?! Bad career move, Scarlett.


Trannies and Icecream

Fergie shaved her beard and showed up for the Coldstone Creamery "Shake It Up" dance contest.
You're probably wondering why an ice cream shop is hosting a dance party. I guess those Coldstone bastards are trying to promote a way to burn Coldstone calories so you won't get so fat you can't fit through their door to buy more icecream. If they can just get people to shake their ass enough to keep fitting into Coldstone stores.... success!!!

I'm completely and utterly confused as to why there are wax figures at the ice cream dance contest. Are they just trying to trick you into thinking that real female celebrities showed up to this thing?


Dancing with flab

So for the fans of Days of our Lives, you all remember Lisa Rinna. She most recently perfected her jazz hands on Dancing with the Stars. Nowadays, Miss Jazz Hands isn't so much jazzy as much as saggy.

Considering that she's like 75, she doesn't look so bad for her age. But what the hell is going on with her stomach?! Not to mention her canyon boobs, a la Tori Spelling. Don't stomachs get like that after you have lipo? I'm so confused as to why the skin is SO saggy. Especially when she looked like this not too long ago...

I could understand better if she got a little pudgy, since she's probably not doing as much exercise as she did on the show. But the skin is sooo nasty and like folding over her bikini! Whyyyyy?


The new Michelangelo

As if we didn't have enough of that too much information feeling when we got this little gem:

The artist is now creating another masterpiece inspired by Suri's first crap.

The work was reportedly inspired by Suri's first solid meal and the fecal matter that followed. A spokesperson for the gallery where the "piece" will be displayed says, "Babies mostly breastfeed for the first four months, so a baby's first meal of solid food may be a baby's first meal at the dinner table. A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful momento for the family."

A meaningful momento would be the baby spoon, or the bib or even the half eaten meal, but the poop?! Lord. Remember when the things you used to have bronzed were the baby shoes? Weren't those the good ol' days? When the hell did the world start getting so ape shit crazy that we're now having actual POOP bronzed?! And he's an "artist"?! Dude, I should totally just start slapping clay to the wall and call it a masterpiece inspired by shit hitting the fan. I'd be sooo rich.


Smart Nicky

Just in time for Paris Hilton's CD release festivities, Nicky has gone back to brunette. Coincidence? I think not. It's one extra small step to make sure you don't get her confused with her sister, in case you miss the cloud of crabs or the singing voice that brings brave men to tears.


Are all Scientologists in the closet?

Is Scientology just a secret society for in-the-closet actors? I have vague memories of John Travolta man-love rumors, but luckily for him, everyone is so busy trying to get Tom Cruise out of the closet that no one really pays attention to J-Trav. I've got it: Scientology helps rich and famous men stay in the closet by assisting them in the kidnapping, brainwashing, and controlling of the wife of their choice. Then they die and travel to the 57th planet which is filled with 50 million naked clones of Freddy Prince Junior. Their "bible" is really short, see.

In other crazy cult news, Kate might actually escape!! It's about time. God, I love tabloids.

Yes, I see Nicole's bump there. Her pregnancy rumors are so boring I can barely keep my eyes open while writing this. Wouldn't you rather talk about crazy killer cults?


Jessica Alba is a serious actress

Jessica on the set of her new movie, Good Luck Chuck:

Jessica's latest starring role is as a goofy penguin keeper in this romantic comedy. Hold the phone-- romantic comedy + penguins? Didn't we already do that with 50 First Dates? Whatever. All I know is that Jess has insisted she wants to be offered more serious roles, and it looks like they've finally given her one where she can keep her clothes on... as long as she's ok with playing with penguins. Yay?

Jessica hamming it up with her costar, Dane Cook:


Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Double take

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, no? Then, Angelina, get ready to be flattered your ass off, because this is pretty damn close.

I have to say, she looks soooo much like Angelina. The eyes, the nose, the lips...not bad! Something about her face throws me off a bit, though...maybe the eyebrows? What do you guys think?


Squirrel-y Couric

The perpetually bright-eyed and bushy tailed Katie Couric got a little less bushy tailed, and a lot more trim spa last week:

Thanks to a computer "slight" of hand, the Tiffany network has made the new face of "CBS Evening News" instantly drop about 20 pounds. In a picture widely distributed to the media last month, a normal-looking Couric wore a frumpy light gray suit and her trademark smile. But thanks to Photoshop, the popular editing software, the same photo, printed in a CBS magazine, shows her looking much, much thinner - and her suit has become a few shades darker. Couric, who was made aware of the picture's alteration yesterday, joked that she liked the original better. "There's more of me to love," she quipped.

Of course she's gonna say that! She's not gonna be all..DAMN, I looked like saggy crap before. My neck is the same width as my head and it looks like I'm storing nuts in my suit jacket! This squirrel has gotta eat! Thank god for Photoshop! All I can say is, can I hire someone to do that to all my pictures?!?!?


Kristin Cavallari is so seductive

Kristin showed up at Hyde last night, totally prepared to show the paparazzi what she's got:
I guess Kristin feels a little upset by Brody's taste in women, now that he's rebounding with the crypt keeper, and she's questioning her own hottness. So she's spiced things up a little with a wifebeater and a seriously sexy new pose. Who wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that kiss!


Elf Cosmetics

Frederick's of Hollywood, Inc.


Web, Inc.

Blog Flux Directory Top Blogs Entertainment blogs