She's developing Posh boobs!

Katie goes to the Armani show in Paris:

Ok so did Tom Cruise decide he wanted a different model robot, one more similar to Posh Beckham? Cause Katie's body is looking a little Posh-like in these latest photos...



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No words

The Robotrons at Paris Fashion Week events:

Ugh, I just don't even know what to do with these two anymore. Katie can't keep her hands off of Liza Minelli's career sportswear, and Posh still looks like Katie's demented robot companion. Why are these two attached at the hip, again??



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The Robotrons do lunch

Ugh, it just makes sooo much sense that these two are friends. One of them is a human brain in a robot body and the other one is a human body with an alien-brainwashed brain. You know they want to just zap those paparazzi with ray guns so badly and are holding back.



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Cruise does the robot

It's about time these two came out!! I haven't seen them in probably a whole week. It's a relief to know that Katie is still alive and Tom can still pass for a pale oompa loompa.



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Zombies at the mall

Katie Holmes gets wound up and set free in the shoe department:

How much longer until she has a total meltdown, I wonder. I hope the paparazzi catch it when she starts throwing a tantrum and flinging alien statues out her window at 4 AM.

Here she is with Tom's adopted daughter Isabella. Is it just me or does Isabella look a little dead in the eyes too? Don't tell me they lobotomized a minor?!

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Crazy!! Yay!

Mr. & Mrs. Bat Shit went out for some steak with friends in L.A.:

I guess the overwhelming brainwashing messages are so disconcerting that they make you leave the house without pants or with a giant bow fingerpainted on your dress sometimes:



Hey, getting sucked in by cult members happens to the best of us. Actually it doesn't. What I mean to say is, what the hell is the matter with you?

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Watch out.. Crazy Cruise will inject an alien in you

Cruise has been trying his best to brainwash Will Smith, but hasn't succeeded yet...

Will Smith turned his back on pal Tom Cruise's efforts to convert him to Scientology because he doesn't want to upset his late grandmother. Smith admits he has spoken with Cruise about the church he is a fervent campaigner for, but he could never follow writer and thinker L Ron Hubbard's belief system. He says, "I've talked to Tom about it - there's lots of incredible, wonderful concepts but, my wife (Jada Pinkett Smith) and I don't necessarily believe in organised religion. "I was raised in a Baptist household and my grandmother would get up out of her casket if I became a Scientologist."

"Organized religion?" Is that what we're calling Scientology these days? What happened to crazy psychotic alien brain eating cult? Are we giving Scientology a little more respect now that it's been around almost a whole 2 years? And I'm curious about these incredible concepts. Unless by "incredible" he means "bat-shit crazy." In which case, I totally agree, Will.



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More Crazies

Look at Suri's face. Even she has had about enough of this sham.

Did these two even try to sell any of their photos, or try to keep any of them private? I guess they wanted to get out more proof-of-straightness evidence as quickly as possible and released every wedding photo they had. The pictures just won't stop coming!



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Even more pictures from the Crazies Wedding

Katie Holmes is totally wasted here at the reception. Do you blame her??

I just can't get enough of this magical sham! You know Katie is thinking about how much she misses Chris Klein's cute cheeks & smile.. Tom is thinking about Clay Aiken's butt cheeks..



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Crazy Cruise Family Portrait

This is just too frightening. Tom looks posessed as usual, Suri doesn't have pants, and I still don't understand what that is coming off the top of Katie's dress. An alien catcher?

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Romantic Sham Marriage

A few more pics from the Crazy Cruise celebration:

I wonder who spent a longer time on their hair? My money is on Tom. Katie's hair looks like the style you put it in after playing soccer for an hour. Tom's feathered bangs, on the other hand, are perfection!

You really gotta give him credit. He's trying so hard in these pictures. You know he's picturing a naked David Beckham right now.



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First Kiss

Tom & Katie's first kiss as husband and captive:

Isn't that sweet. Supposedly they kissed so long that people had to shout "Enough!" Why would they have kissed for so long? It can't be because either of them enjoyed it. Was it because Tom was sending some alien spawn down her throat?

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Yeah.. there's no going back now

It's all over now. That weird orange glow in the background is the light from Xenu's space craft, waiting to beam Crazy & Brainwashed up. Is it just me or is Katie totally hunching her shoulders here to make Tom look taller?

A few guest arrivals:

J-Ho's gloves are really freaking me out. I guess she didn't want one inch of skin to touch any of the weird Scientology shit that might be at the ceremony. And I think she skinned a polar bear to make that fur wrap.

And, um, what is Posh doing?! Doesn't she know this isn't her big day, it's Katie's? Doesn't she know they might confuse her headgear for a flying saucer and jump on top of her? Maybe she's just trying to get even with them for giving out towels as wedding favors.

Jada totally bought her dress from the white and black section of Forever 21. And you know Brooke Shields just came to laugh her ass off at their creepy cult ceremony and drink a bunch of free champagne.

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Funeral of the Century

It's confirmed: Crazy Cruise & Katie Holmes are now husband and wife.

The couple exchanged vows Saturday in a Scientology ceremony at the Odescalchi Castle in Lake Bracciano, Italy.

Saturday's wedding started on a damp note, with scattered rain throughout the morning. Holmes and 7-month-old daughter Suri were escorted into the castle under a cluster of green umbrellas. A little over an hour later, the groom was escorted from the Hassler hotel in Rome to Lake Bracciano 18 miles away. With the sun going down, candles lit up the perimeter of the 15th-century castle as limousines carrying the guests drove through the gates.

Still, there might be one last hoop to jump through before their marriage is legal. Patrizia Riccioni, the mayor of Bracciano, Italy, said that the couple must be married in a civil ceremony in the town to make it official. As of Saturday evening, that hadn't happened yet. "Maybe they will have something official in the U.S.," she speculated.

What a surprise, the wedding isn't official yet because no one recognizes a Scientology Ceremony full of wailing, chanting and the sacrifice of puppies as a valid marriage.

Katie & Suri arrive at the castle:

Tom looking like a maniac in the car on the way to the castle:

Some very sad photos of Katie in the castle the morning before the wedding, waving for help and looking like a trapped princess...




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Not too bad!

A couple more pics of Suri:

She's looking human... and pretty cute!




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