That's hot

Paris leaving Mr. Chow with Nicky:

There is just so much wrong here I don't even know where to begin. I guess I should have censored her nightmare fingers, or at least put a **WARNING** at the top of this post for anyone who wants to sleep well tonight, so sorry about that!



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Paris shows off the drawn on cleavage

Now that's hot. I guess the new trend she's trying to start is 5 bottles of self tanner directly applied to the chest, and a little cleavage action drawn on with brown eyeliner. She's totally showing those damn Greek parents what a classy gal she really is!

Paris checks out the artwork:



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Paris turns down perverted things

Paris Hilton turned down the chance to have a sex doll made in her image - because the idea freaked her out. Hilton hated the thought of strangers making love to a doll that looked exactly like her, even though the venture would have made her a fortune. She says, "I turn down perverted things, some sex things. Like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll. "They were like, 'They'll sell for $50,000 each, it'll be the real-life you.' And I'm like, 'I really don't want a real-life me with anyone, anywhere. No!'"

You know the truth is she knows the doll won't really make any money. Why would guys pay all that for a doll when they could get the real thing for free? I guess the bonus with the doll is no crabs. Also, you could have your doll custom made with 2 normal eyes.

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Paris gets into the spirit of after Christmas sales

You know every year Paris counts down the days until December 26th & 27th which is when she can shamelessly shop for herself until she drops, wearing her "Teenage Millionaire" shirt. Here she is on Robertson scoring some deals on whoregear and wonky-eye covering shades.


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Dead Sexy

Paris Hilton and her wonk eye try to get into a cab after a long night of drinking and making out with guys who look good on their left side:

It's like she's some kind of freaky 4-legged spider that's trying to fold itself into a small space. A spider with crabs? Weird.

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Has Britney been replaced?

Paris & Elisha Cuthbert won't be getting a DUI tonight:

Paris Hilton quickly picked up a new sidekick now that Britney has quit partying to take care of her kids or some shit. Does anyone notice that Paris tends to try to hang out with people who won't outshine her? They have to either be stumpy, really recently pregnant, or look like they're dying of malnourishment. Her only hot friend is Kim Kardashian, which is probably why she usually keeps away from her in photos.



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More grossness

Why is Brandon Davis just standing there looking miserable while Paris does the wave? Have his hair gel and sweat dripped to the floor and formed such a thick paste that his feet are shellacked to the floor?


Frankenstein called and wants his man-hands back:


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I never thought I would say this.

There ARE people nastier than Paris:

Would you rather lick Brandon Davis, Paris Hilton, or the sidewalk in Times Square? I know it would be tough but for me it's clearly a toss-up between Paris and the sidewalk.

A picture speaks a thousand words...

Someone tie her tubes! Quick!

Just days after Paris Hilton was quoted saying "I want to have four kids by the time I'm 30," she was spotted out with a diamond ring on her ring finger. Her current love slave is Stavros Niarchos, so I guess he's the one she's trying to make her baby daddy. If the engagement rumors are true, this will be the second Greek shipping heir she's been engaged to.


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Paris asked Santa for some Valtrex

Nicole asked Santa to kill Paris in her sleep.



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Paris at the "Big in 06" Awards

At the VH1 Awards last night:

Paris was up for the following awards: Biggest wonk eye, Biggest man hands, Biggest crab collection.



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What will a week of Paris do to you?

Britney was looking pretty good right after she dumped Federgrime. Now she looks like she should be shuffling around with a shopping cart full of cans and asking for spare change.

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Paparazzi Mania

Just a regular night out on the town for a celebrity...

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I can't take much more

Ok, after these pics I need to take a 4 year break from Paris & Britney. Now Lindsay Lohan is caught up in their whirlwind of Curious perfume, cheetos and crabs. The paparazzi have a pretty easy job now... all the goodies flashes are taking place in one location now instead of 3!


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They just keep coming

Britney and Paris had about 4031942 photo ops over Thanksgiving weekend. While the rest of us were eating turkey, these two were posing for the paparazzi all over town.

Sean P. goes where many boys have gone before:

Britney and Sean think about his daddy:

Paris is thrilled to have found someone who makes her look like an expensive hooker.

She's also excited about how real her extensions look next to Brit's...

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Britney needs some guidance & a beating

Brit, you are not trading up here.

We thought there was hope for you when you dumped K-Fed, but now we're realizing that your rebound is seriously the Crab Queen. Running around with Paris isn't really the best way to show a judge that you're a fit parent. The only thing hanging out with Paris proves is that you have no self-respect and a bottle of Valtrex nearby if you need it.

Britney letting Paris breathe all over Sean P.:

K-Fed has a winning case with this photo alone.

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